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Perhaps Larry really did make billions as a savings and loan tycoon in "LSL4: The Missing Floppies," perhaps not. No one really knows for sure, including Larry! But since those halcyon days of yesterdisk, his life script has soared like a Stealth boat an— chor. He assumes he found fame in LSL4 as he is fortunate to have his present job in the glamorous Hollywood entertainment industry. Unfortunately, his job is as Chief VCR Rewinder and Sterilizer (Beta Division) at the all new "Amer— ica's Sexiest Home Videos," a proposed taw— dry syndicated television show nearing production that solicits home Videos pri— marily distinguished by their creative bed sheet stains. To those who ask, "Larry, why don't you quit that lousy job?" Larry, of course, replies, "What? And give up show business?!"

Actually Larry's memories of LSL4 are quite vague. As LSL5 begins, his most recent memories involve programming some com— puter on some deck beside some lake with some woman named Passionate Patti. Whatever happened to her? Poor Larry has no idea. Now he's alone in Hollywood work— ing a minimal wage job. Since"LSL4: The Missing Floppies" is missing, Larry's memory of those disks is also blank! How he wishes he knew what had happened to him! Could he really have lost a whole year, a tenth of a decade, a hundredth of a cen— tury? Yep.

Meanwhile, Patti's memory is unaffected, although sometimes she would like to for— get. Her career has been one semi—moderate success after another, ever since that fate— ful scene (which Larry doesn't remember) when she left our Leisure One standing at the altar of The Little Church in Yosemite Valley! What a waste! She dumped a good man to run off to Hollywood just for one of those once—in—a—lifetime recording deals. Of course, after all the composing, arranging, rehearsing and recording work was actually done, the deal turned out to be just another show biz snow job. When she returned for Larry, he had mysteriously vanished with— out a trace. So Patti resumed both her ca—

reer track and her worldly ways. She is presently on a whirlwind national tour of famous airport hotel cocktail lounges. She and Larry in two different worlds.

We begin the game at a meeting of some gentlemen with organized crime written all over them. It seems the Mafia has lost a major source of revenue in recent years: pornographic theaters and adult book— stores. Who needs them when you can watch the same stuff on cable without leav— ing the comfort of your own living room? The boys want to regain their lost market share. How? Why, by producing a show so rank, so Vile, so filthy that even the U. S. Congress will be forced to tighten U. S. obscenity laws, outlawing anything remotely dirty, thus cleaning up the air— waves, forcing all red—blooded Americans back where they belong: adult bookstores!

Quietly, they contact PornProdCorp (a ma— jor Hollywood production company), explain the problem, explain the goal, (explain the alternatives) then "request" their help. With great fanfare, PornProdCorp announces "America's Sexiest Home Videos," a show in which ordinaly, All—American families sub— mit Videos made in the privacy of their or— dinaly, All—American bedrooms just to win prizes. To "get the balls rolling" they hold a contest to find the hostess of the show, the sexiest woman in America. They receive thousands of Video audition tapes from or— dinaly, All—American, over—sexed house— wives. It's tough work, but they finally narrow the competition down to three final— ists. This creates a problem: they know if they bring these women to Hollywood to audition, they'll all be sexy. They want a woman so passionate, so over—sexed, she'd go for any man, any loser, any dork, no matter how lame! Where could they find such a man? Fortunately, right under their noses!

It seems PornProdCorp recently employed a certain Larry Laffer to rewind (and disinfect) those very same audition tapes. Thus, Larry has his new quest: audition the three sexi— est women in America without their knowl—

Leisure Suit Larry 5 Design Copyright 1991 by Al Lowe

edge that he is anything but plain, simple Larry. His "Victims": a wealthy black NYC junk bond broker, program—trading special— ist, and computer hobbyist named Michelle Milken; a ditsy Atlantic City blonde— bombshell, former beauty pageant runner— up and wet T—shirt contest entrant, now professional mud wrestler/casino change girl named Lana Luscious; and a Miami— based Latin—American lambada—dancing former gymnast, now "green card—less" den— tal hygienist named Chi Chi Lambada.

While flying to his encounters, Larry day— dreams of Passionate Patti and the glamor— ous life she must be leading without him. Each dream dissolves into the reality of Patti's present—day life. Unfortunately, the reality is not so pretty. We first find Patti in a Georgetown piano dive being stiffed (so to speak) out of her last two weeks pay by the Mob—controlled nightclub owner. As she leaves the club, an undercover FBI agent offers her a chance to get even. "Why not service, er, serve your country by working under covers, er, undercover? Investigate Mob influence in the music biz." Of course she's interested in revenge, especially when he mentions a possible White House gig. After all, she suspects the burn who cheated her on her album contract in "LSL4: The Missing Floppies" was involved in or— ganized crime. So she agrees to go to FBI Headquarters with him, gets outfitted with several neat gadgets in a scene reminiscent of James Bond's "Q," and is (gynecologi— cally) fitted with a secret transmitter. The FBI books her a series of gigs as cover and places a limousine and driver at her dis— posal. She is assigned two men to investi— gate: a Baltimore recording studio engineer specializing in backwards subliminal mes— sage recording named Reverse Biaz; and a former computer hardware builder, now obscene rap lyricist/disc jockey at Philadel— phia's K—RAP radio named P. C. Hammer.

On the way to her encounters, Patti day— dreams of various rich and famous men (not including Larry Laffer). During her dreams, we dissolve back to Larry, whose airplane is conveniently nearing his desti— nation. As Larry leaves the jetway he be— comes ego again. This "ego transformation" happens seven times during the game. The

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player's inventory flip—flops along with the character they're presently playing.

After Larry's third daydream, as he's on his way back to Hollywood with his three Video— tapes, we see Patti get debriefed by her FBI boss. She learns she will get to play at the White House when suddenly, without a dream sequence or other transition, we cut back to Larry in his airplane. This time, Larry's face is facing downward, for the plane is plummeting to Earth. Larry res— cues the airplane full of passengers, lands it safely (by tripping over the throttles at just the right moment), and becomes a National Hero. He receives a telephone call from the President, inviting him to a big State Dinner to be held in his honor. Unbeknownst to Larry, the after—dinner entertainment: Pas— sionate Patti, of course!

At the dinner, Patti eventually is seated with Larry, Desmond, and Mr. Big, the Mafioso Chieftain. He hustles her up, sing— ing a soft love song into her ear and promis— ing her she'll be the hostess on a new TV show. Larry recognizes his show and calls Big on it. Patti recognizes the song as one she wrote for her album in Larry4. Since there's no way he could have heard it with— out playing the game, he must have "The Missing Floppies" and therefore, also must be the man she's been chasing all along. The FBI arrests him, making Patti a hero along with Larry. To get even with Porn— ProdCorp, Larry erases the Videotapes of his three girls.

So, all's well that ends well? Well, as the game ends, we learn that all Larry's "work" was for naught as the ASHV producer "sim— plified the auditions" by magnanimously awarding the hostess gig to his girl friend; ASHV went on to become the megabit of the season; recordings no longer contain sub— liminal messages since no one has figured out how to play CDs backwards; the Mob's porn biz got steadily worse and worse; Con— gress never did get around to doing any— thing to clean up the airwaves; the entertainment industry is slightly more honest; and Leisure Suit Larry and Pas— sionate Patti are together again

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