Larry Laffer quotes (Hoyle I)


 * I'm Larry, Larry Laffer, but all the beautiful women in the world call me Leisure Suit Larry.  You've probably heard about my latest adventure on Nontoonyt Island, with all those women!  What a life! Anyhow, you wouldn't happen to have a gorgeous sister, would you?
 * Did I tell you about that gorgeous KGB agent that tried to get me? What a babe!
 * A desert island isn't a bad place to meet some gorgeous women. You just gotta make sure they aren't cannibals first....
 * I'll tell you why women like me so much. It's because every time I meet a woman, I try to make her feel special. So women think I'm special, too.
 * There's nothing I like better than an evening of wine, dinner, and dancing, in the company of a beautiful blonde...or maybe a brunette...or....
 * Did I tell you about that six foot tall Swedish basketball player I met? Now there was a lady I really looked up to!
 * Hey! Let me tell you about this woman wrestler that I met....
 * Let's talk about that time I met this lady FBI agent at the airport....
 * Then there was that weekend in Mexico....
 * And did I ever tell you about....
 * And then there was that woman in Detroit...what a Tiger!
 * Let's talk about that time when I met those three women on the beach in Acapulco....
 * Hey, let me tell you about that stewardess! I'm telling ya, she really was something....
 * Listen, I'd rather talk about the night I met that movie star in Hollywood...she and I danced until dawn. What a night!
 * Let me tell you about....
 * And then there was that lady in Washington....
 * I like playing cards, but I like meeting women more.
 * I really like playing card games with beautiful women. But let me tell you, this isn't the card game I like best....
 * Money's helpful, especially if you're trying to impress the babes.
 * I think women are more attracted to me for my body and style, than money. Which is good, 'cause I never have much money, but I've always got style!
 * I think I'd be more enthusiastic about going into space if women wore prettier spacesuits.
 * Space travel sounds interesting, but how can women tell what kind of a handsome, muscular guy I am if I'm wearing some kind of spacesuit?
 * Warren, you programmed this game, so can you give me Shelly's phone number from your files, right? I'd really like to spend some time with that lady.
 * Hey, what were you saying about a memory shortage, Warren? I remember every girl I've ever dated, and I always have room for another phone number in my book!
 * My grandfather was really something. My mother says I'm a lot like him.
 * My grandfather was a wonderful guy. He taught me everything I know about women.
 * Why am I sitting here in this card game, when I could be out there meeting some gorgeous babes?
 * If you don't want to play cards, I could be out making time with a beautiful lady instead.
 * Let's see, I've got my little black book on me somewhere. I probably can still get a date with Patty for tonight....
 * I'm tellin' ya, once the women see me, they just won't leave me alone for five minutes....
 * Sometimes I wonder if there's one special woman, just waiting for me. Or maybe several special women....
 * I met this lady cop once. She gave me her phone number instead of of the traffic ticket!
 * I don't think I'd be a good cop. I'd never be able to give traffic tickets to all of those beautiful women.
 * I still think that rescuing a lady from a dragon is a great way to make a first impression!
 * Questing does sound kinda interesting, but I think I'd rather spend my Saturday nights out on the town, not in a dungeon.
 * C'mon, Roger, don't be such a wimp. I'm stuck playing this game too, and you don't see me complaining, do you? Though if I'm late for my date tonight with Patty....
 * Must be rough, Rog, being the hero of Space Quest. Surrounded by all those beautiful alien women....
 * School really is important. I may talk a lot about how women look, but if she hasn't had a single thought since third grade, it's going to be a real boring date.
 * Education does make a difference. If nothing else, you can learn a lot in biology class.
 * Shelly, baby
 * My name is Larry, babe, not Leroy. You do smell nice, though. New perfume?
 * Maybe we could get together for dinner sometime, babe?
 * Daventry does sound like a place I should visit. Maybe rescue a few damsels in distress, hey?
 * I've never thought about it, but rescuing a girl from a dragon would be a great first date, wouldn't it?
 * I like the old Humphrey Bogart movies. Now, there was a man with some real smooth moves....
 * Yeah, Humphrey Bogart was definitely my favorite actor. I learned a lot from his style.
 * I like all kinds of sports, just as long as there are cheerleaders.
 * I like women's gymnastics and ice skating the best. All those women in leotards....
 * I read a lot, but mostly self-help books. Like how to say "I love you" and "Are you busy tonight, gorgeous?" in twenty different languages.
 * I like reading catalogs. That's how I order all of my stylish polyester shirts and pants.
 * I hiked through the mountains last summer. Met three women and a baby bear.
 * I wouldn't mind living in the mountains, but I think I'd miss civilization and nightclubs too much.
 * I like playing Crazy Eights.  Not as much as I like meeting beautiful women, but still....


 * Crazy Eights is one of my favorite games, especially if I'm playing against eight crazy women....


 * Sure, let's play!  And did I ever tell you about that blonde that I met in Acapulco....


 * I always have a Diamond for the ladies.
 * Maybe I'll break a few more Hearts this game!


 * Your Hearts or mine?


 * Hey, I won the hand! Not so unusual, really!


 * I win this hand!  Let's get this game over with so I can get back in action!


 * I won this hand!  Amazing, aren't I?


 * You won this hand.  My mind must've been on something else, like that blonde I met last night....


 * You can choose a new suit now.  Clubs, Diamonds, Hearts, Spades, polyester....


 * Choose a new suit now, but don't choose my baby blue leisure suit. I need it to impress the babes, y'know?


 * You really should choose a card first.  Come on, I have a date tonight with a beautiful blonde from Burbank!
 * Sorry, that's an invalid play.  You should try something new.  Me, I'm always trying something new....


 * You can't do that play, it's invalid in this game.  And did I tell you about this woman that I met last month....


 * I won!  I wonder if there's any women around here that I can impress with my manly card-playing abilities?


 * Of course, I knew I would win.  Can't disappoint all those women who dream about me every night, can I?


 * I won!  Of course, how can a manly man like me ever lose?


 * Well, I guess you can't have everything like me,...looks, women, money, luck at cards...I did mention good looks, didn't I?


 * Not so lucky at cards, but incredibly, awesomely, supremely skillful at love.


 * Well, even someone with my incredible charm and looks can lose a game occasionally.
 * Old Maid isn't my usual game, but let's give it a try!  You've got a cute older sister, right?


 * Sure, I'll play against you!  Who's bringing the chips and dip?
 * I'd love to play Old Maid with you!  I even brought the soda pop.
 * Hey, I'm not an Old Maid!  Me?  Leisure Suit Larry?  An Old Maid?

15 You have to put down the card first. 16 Put down the card first, then take that card.
 * Me, an Old Maid?  No way, toots!
 * You're the Old Maid now!  Naturally, my awesome card playing skills are paying off in a big way!
 * Time to break a few more Hearts, I guess!
 * Sure.  What's another broken Heart, anyway?
 * Winning this game is about as easy as holding onto a mud wrestler!
 * I'd better win the next game, or the women might start erasing me from of their phone books!
 * Hey, the only reason you won was because my mind was on the beautiful blonde that I had dinner with every night last week!
 * I think you have to lead with the two of Clubs.  Hey, did I ever tell you about the woman bronco rider that I met in Texas...
 * I've broken a few hearts in my life, but Hearts haven't been broken yet in this game.
 * Come on, you know you can't do that! Hearts haven't been broken yet, unless you're counting the blonde I dated last month....
 * You'll have to wait till Hearts have been broken.
 * So then she told me...oh, don't you know you have to follow with a card in the same suit?
 * You'll have to choose a card first. And did I ever tell you about the lady wrestler that I met....
 * Pick a card first.  You know, this game reminds me of the time when....
 * ...as I was saying, this woman really...oh, you know you should choose a card first, right?
 * Gin Rummy's a great game, 'specially if you don't have a date on a Saturday night.  Of course, I always have a date....
 * Sure, I'll play Gin Rummy with you!  And you'll introduce me to your sister, right?
 * Yeah, I can play this game!  Gather around, girls, and watch Larry the Man in action!
 * I'll pass.  I have a lot of experience at making passes....
 * I think you already took a card.  And did I tell you about this girl...
 * There are more important things in life than winning at cards. Like Julie, Kathy, Jane....


 * Hey, I let you win!  You knew that, right?
 * I won!  Of course, how can a manly man like me ever lose?
 * I won!  Don't forget to tell your gorgeous sister about it! And what's her phone number, by the way?
 * You want to play Cribbage with me? Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to a nightclub instead?
 * Sure, I'll play Cribbage with you. I just hope I can remember all of the rules....
 * Hey, if you're gonna play against Larry Laffer, you'd better be ready to lose!
 * Sorry, that's an invalid play.  You should try something new.  Me, I'm always trying something new....
 * You can't do that play, it's invalid in this game.  And did I tell you about the lady pole vaulter I met last month?
 * I won!  Now I've got something else I can brag about!
 * I win!  You don't need to tell me, I know you're impressed!
 * Of course, I knew I would win.  Can't disappoint all those women who dream about me every night, can I?
 * Good game.  My mind must have been on Patty.  Or maybe Suzanne....
 * You won this game.  You were just real lucky, of course!
 * I won this Match!  Amazing, aren't I?