The Sexiest Woman in America

A contest organized by PornProdCorp in order to find 'a woman, beautiful, yet with those All-American, girl-next-door looks; a woman virginal and untouchable; and yet, a woman who is sexy and slutty'. The winner of the contest would portray Vanna Black, the hostess of America's Sexiest Home Videos.

The contest was a resounding success and PPC received thousands of submissions and thanks to hard work by Biffie, and his colleagues and Larry (the Chief Tape Rewinder and Sterilizer, Betamax Division), the field was narrowed down to three finalists: Lana Luscious, Chi Chi Lambada and Michelle Milken.

Biffie intended those three flown to Hollywood, first class, wined and dined in regal style, then outfitted with the finest fashions Rodeo Drive has to offer. However Silas Scruemall objected that auditioned under those circumstances, they'll all be sexy; the point is to look for a woman so over-sexed she'd drop (what's she's doing) for any man, any time, any place, and for any loser, any dork, no matter how lame. He thought about holding a blind audition, where the women don't know they're auditioned. Scooter expressed his concerns. His diviion needed videotapes of the girls' auditions for their own "personal review purposes". For this, Scruemall proposed that the auditioner should have a camcorder with him.

As they were brainstorming over this, Larry came to serve coffee, and Scruemall thought he was the ideal person to audition the three finalists. He gave him a brand new, imported, miniaturized, .5 lux, Rob Lowe Model 'Complete Video Studio' camcorder, disguised as a pocket protector (to Larry's excitement since he needed a new pocket protector). He promised Larry a big promotion, perhaps even to Assistant Associate Director.